texes to tyler:

The rolling of the dock was a little like a lullaby. With his eyes trained on the horizon, the boy strained his vision and light bending through the moisture of the sea air let him see beyond. So it continued horizon after horizon until, through a haze, he happened upon a boy rolling on a dock. He waved his hand, and in a blur watched a moment catch up with itself.

this isn’t completely terrible, vol. 2: Bourgeois Pig in Hollywood

Location, location, location.

Something about crippling depression, finals week, and constantly being surrounded by inbred jackholes can really suck the funny right out of you.

Luckily, I don’t really care, and you’re going to be subjected to my shit regardless.

On that note, welcome to another edition of “this isn’t completely terrible“, with me, Kim.

Like I was telling some dear friends recently, after inhaling far too much gasoline fumes and spending far too much time in the hot, hot sun (just like OMC says), I hate myself, but generally, I hate other people more, so it looks like I still have some semblance of self-esteem.

Which is probably what propels me to do things like to go cafes with names like Bourgeois Pig. Located in breathtaking Hollywood, California, right across the street from what I believe is the Scientology Celebrity Center*, the Bourgeois Pig serves coffee, pastries, and cafe food. It’s obviously way too blue-blooded for me (it’s in the name, for Christ’s sake), but I go there anyway because it reaffirms everything I hate about Los Angeles while simultaneously serving me delicious drinks and intriguing eye candy, both in human and decorative form. It’s really a win-win situation. But you don’t have to trust me, I’m not the only one raving about it. User Sir Felgar on the Zagat website exclaims,

Way overpriced and somehwat[sic] pretentious(.)

Which is cool, because that’s what all my Johns tend to say about me. Not to leave any doubt about the place, CarolS0256 adds:

It could be cleaner.

threevue’s reign of terror

I forgot to mention this last week, when it would have been even remotely relevant, but some of you may know that Threevue.com’s Tyler recently attended a couple of video game blog reader meet-ups. I went to the Kotaku meet-up at the Golden Gopher downtown (which was pretty swank), and Tyler seemed to be on his best behavior then because my prying eyes were there, you know… prying.

However, later on in the week he attended the Joystiq meet-up, and apparently forgot to pack some manners.

Here he is, accosting some young man in the blogging biz. It appears as if that young man is searching for something on his iPhone. Maybe directions on how to procure a restraining order?

"You WILL type faster on that lifestyle phone. And you will LIKE it."

Look, I’m not going to sit here and point fingers, unlike some people (see above). I think what we can ALL agree on, is how, despite the fact that Threevue is a general disgrace to the V-U-E name, they sure do know how to grow a mustache.

just an update

for those of you following the twovue vs. threevue saga. here’s just a look at some of the services we can provide. proving we are sexy, anonymous, and apparently really into rebecca gayheart.

bella and edward

i would feel remiss in not making a comment on this new social phenomenon. and what a phenomenon it is. i mean who knew that two and a half hours of unculminated teenage sexual tension would drive people to hysteric fits of unrelenting psychosis with borderline mania literacy, for the first time since the dawn of elvis the pelvis. that normally rational and well behaved women all over the world are pledging their first born children to the instantly famous authoress, should come to no one as a surprise. i think we should all just be grateful that no one in the movie/novels is described as looking like anything as heinous as a warlock or a mandalorian. if people are going outside dressed up as vampires, at least they look like Bella rather than Boba Fett.

i guess now would be the time to preface that i’ve seen the movie…four times. and i don’t even have a remotely good excuse for any of those occasions. another crucial fact, i own the soundtrack. but what distinguishes me from the masses is that i didn’t use garageband to splice the fifteen second sequence of music where bella and edward meet and then endeavor to make a “mix tape” with 96 tracks of that sequence. the fact that i know someone who did, makes me feel just about as bad though. if mockery is the highest form of flattery, i might possibly be the twilight’s biggest fan. look out world, this is the skin of a stalker!

to stephanie meyer, with love, rachel!

also:

How to Start a Book

“The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.”

Vladi…calm down Baby!  Now let’s talk about that young lady you were dating.

 

when harry met grietje: marital politics in the transatlantic

The Parties agree that an armed attack against one or more of them in Europe or North America shall be considered an attack against them all and consequently they agree that, if such an armed attack occurs, each of them, in exercise of the right of individual or collective self-defence recognised by Article 51 of the Charter of the United Nations, will assist the Party or Parties so attacked by taking forthwith, individually and in concert with the other Parties, such action as it deems necessary, including the use of armed force, to restore and maintain the security of the North Atlantic area.

                                                                                                 Article 5 of the North Atlantic Treaty

Since the establishment of NATO in 1949, and subsequently the European Union in 1993 a general trend of postmodern politics in our Atlantic cousins has decidedly taken over. Celebrating the end of two centuries worth of infighting on the continent with increasingly more inclusive treaties and economic organizations has a way of putting the U.S. off. The joint venture that inextricably binds America with the continent, NATO, is, for better or worse, the only military conscription that obligates the U.S. to intervene on behalf of Europe, and Europe to do so in return.

However, since the end of the second World War, and further still, following the collapse of the U.S.S.R. American strategic interests have largely become divergent from those of Europe. Clinton’s commitment to intervention in small scale ethnic conflicts in the Balkans and east Africa cemented the U.S. reputation as an overweening super power. However, it wasn’t until the invasion in Iraq that the opinions of the United Nations and NATO took a back seat to America’s international security interests. While this wasn’t a significant departure in American foreign policy priorities (NATO bombing of Bosnia in 1995 was accomplished without U.N. consent because of the fear of Russian veto, exists as an example) the National Security Strategy of 2002 delineated what commonly became known as the Bush Doctrine, and despite it’s substantive revision vis a vis the strategy of 2006, unilateral pre-emption dominated US policy for the next six years. 

Europe’s impatience with our perceived excess has created innumerable tensions since the invasion of Iraq. Operation ENDURING FREEDOM has brought these tensions into sharp focus. From the unwillingness of certain nations to commit troops to districts of Kabul where actual conflict is happening, to frustrations as simple as the inability to communicate without using radio transmission that’s commonly accessible to insurgents belies not only the shortcoming of military inoperability but of basic social incompatibility. The emblematic rift that was singularly represented by the Atlantic eponym of NATO has turned Afghanistan into a playground with bullies and wallflowers.

Bob Ross

It’s almost always easier to be an asshole.  For the longest time it’s been funny to like things that are terrible, out of place or broken. Everyday brings a new level of harsh dickishness that makes (some of) us champion the ugly and shitty.  I can say without a trace of irony that I love Bob Ross because he undoes that for me a little bit.  He makes me try to be a better person.  

Season 15, Episode 10

In this episode Bob started with a canvas covered with black gesso, some alizarin crimson and phthalo blue liquid color.  Long story short he made a glowing lavender and pink background and painted some trees and stuff.  He talked a little about the squirrel that lived with him at the time.  He also found the need to clean his two inch brush and chuckle about the mess he made.  Then he updated the viewers on the bluejay he saved who went on to buy a condo in Miami, and drive a BMW.  

List of adjectives:

Misty, Far-away, happy, subdued, quiet, tranquil, soft

List of Suggestions:

just tap, make up happy little stories, let your imagination go, 

Declarative Statements:

That’s probably the highlight of painting; just cleaning that brush. 

This is where all the little squirrels and the bunny rabbits play.  They have a good time…good time.

 

I always have a good time with Bob.